People who keep secrets do so only for reasons of power

Thinking back to my marriage which ended after 30 years. I spent over 20 years working hard to make it work. It takes two. I believe I did my part for at least 24 years. My wife was a good mother to our two boys. She did hold part time jobs when reasonable and not interfering with raising the boys. She worked hard, I know. She did her best.

I had been led to believe that since we were both seeking to get closer to God, we couldn’t grow apart. The closer we each came to God, the closer we would be to each other. I knew this to be true to the bottom of my soul. It is why I had no problem “manning up” during any argument and conceding whatever the issue was to her. We had entered the marriage agreeing divorce was NOT an option.

Perhaps it is true, and when I slipped away from church, I slipped away from my wife.

I don’t blame anyone. There are many reasons this just didn’t work. I bare full responsibility for my actions. There are many reasons I chose the way I went about the breakup. I never discussed any of this with anyone, not even my wife. Communication was not deep… and I know I am to blame. I gave up on trying.

So, I wonder… what power do I gain from keeping my feelings in?

Oh well, what is, is.

Sheesh.